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Let them eat cake! The £10m jubilee festival ‘fit for a queen’

Issue No. 2302

It’s a Marie Antoinette moment for the jubilee as we learn it will feature a cake portrait of the queen—made up of 3,120 individual cakes.

As ordinary people struggle to afford their weekly shop, the 94 square foot monstrosity will use 1,000 eggs, 50kg of butter and 150kg of sugar.

It’s all organic of course.

The cake is just part of the £10.5 million London diamond jubilee festival and river pageant planned for 3 June.

Organisers say it will be “a festival fit for the queen”. What does that mean?

First, eight enormous church bells—named Elizabeth, Philip, Charles, Anne, Andrew, Edward, William and Henry—will be rung from a floating belfry.

Then the queen’s new £1 million gold-plated barge Gloriana will lead a 1,000-boat flotilla down the Thames. It will stretch for over 12 miles.

Not enough pageantry for you? Not to worry.

The next day the queen will light a beacon at a concert in her honour—using a huge diamond-shaped crystal.

There’s also the Windsor Castle celebration, being held this week.

It will feature a parade of 500 of the finest horses in the world—some flown in by private jet at a cost of up to £40,000 each.

But just remember—we’re all in it together.

If you can’t quite cope with it all, help is at hand. The official merchandise includes a diamond jubilee whisky flask.

However, it seems not everyone is welcome to join in the jubilee celebrations.

The police have banned a jubilee party at a Sheffield community centre—after finding out it was planning to play R&B, reggae and soul music.

Tickets were to be sold from a Caribbean restaurant.

The police claimed that they feared the event at the Everyone Centre in Heeley might really be of a “different nature” to what the organisers said.

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Tue 8 May 2012, 16:29 BST
Issue No. 2302
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