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Gove pushes on in his quest to make children miserable

Issue No. 2350

Rents in London rose eight times faster than wages last year

Not content with making school life even more of a misery with his Victorian-style curriculum, Tory education secretary Michael Gove wants to slash holidays.

He complained that long school holidays are a relic from when Britain had a more agricultural economy. He thinks they stop children from realising that “hard work is at the centre of everything”.

Holiday snatcher Gove says he’s worried children in British schools aren’t good enough at maths. But his own sums aren’t exactly A grade. Britain’s six week summer break is among the shortest.

From France and Spain to China and India, children get two months or more. And posh schools often get longer than state schools. Eton shuts for summer before the end of June. 

And what about Killjoy Gove’s own holidays? As an MP he too gets six weeks off in summer. He then gets another four in September. MPs get three weeks more holiday than state schools.

Millionaire Gove’s holiday haunts include Meribel in the French Alps. One skiing guide calls it “a posh resort which is not cheap”.

But perhaps he needs so much time off to escape the campaigns against his policies. Gove launched a bizarre tirade against the Anti Academies Alliance in the Sunday Telegraph.

He claimed it “lives in a parallel world in which the Berlin Wall never fell”. Troublemaker would like to congratulate the campaign for getting Gove rattled.


£3,000 for PR advice from ‘plebgate’ Tory

Do you need help managing your reputation? Then who better to ask than former Tory chief whip Andrew Mitchell.

He’s the one who had to resign after a month of controversy over allegedly calling a cop a “fucking pleb”.

Mitchell has been taken on as a senior advisor on £3,000 a day by consultants Montrose Associates.


Rich Rich Ricci rides again

Banker’s banker Rich Ricci handed in his notice at Barclay’s on Thursday of last week—and took sacks full of cash with him as he left.

He’s been handed £70 million worth of shares since 2010 alone, on top of a £700,000 salary. And he still has plenty more in the pipeline, due to the way his bonus plans were structured.

Rich Rich Ricci’s hobbies include owning prize-winning horses with names like Fatcatinahat and Champagne Fever.


Charities cheated to pay for Olympics

London Olympics bosses snaffled more than £2 billion of lottery cash—a quarter of it earmarked for good causes. But they don’t plan to give the money back until the end of the 2020s.

More than 3,400 charities have backed a campaign to get their money back.

Our fat cat of the week is Alan Howard, Britain’s richest hedge fund manager

Sweet deal for cops in locked down Boston

Cops put Boston on lockdown last Friday while they hunted the marathon bombing suspects. But it didn’t apply to everyone.

Dunkin’ Donuts manager Jessica Cadorette said “There was an automated message going around telling businesses to close, but because we’re Dunkin’ Donuts, we called the police department and they said we didn’t have to.”

The doughnut firm, which was founded just outside Boston, confirmed that it was staying open to provide police with free coffee and “product”.

We’re honestly not making this up.


Civil servants not in it together

The Tories are forever looking for ways to make cuts in the civil service. So we thought we’d give them a hand.

There are 55 people working at the Cabinet Office for wages of £100,000 or more—some almost twice that.

But ordinary workers in the civil service have endured a five-year pay freeze.


Whining toff on a budget

It’s tough being “posh but poor”, rich brat Petronella Wyatt whined at length in the Daily Mail last week.

Apparently there’s a “broke generation” of toffs struggling to get by on £100,000 a year. They’re cutting back on fine wines, art collections and weekends in Paris.

Even her love life is suffering, with one date telling her “I’d love to buy you dinner at The Ritz, but I don’t have the cash.”


No use crying over a sloppy spreadsheet

George Osborne’s two favourite economists had their work torn to shreds last week.

Carmen Reinhart and Kenneth Rogoff wrote a paper warning that any country with a certain level of debt would see its economy shrink. Osborne cited it when first announcing his austerity plans. 

Their graphs pointing sharply downwards made a powerful prop when trying to justify cuts. But they only looked like that due to sloppy spreadsheet errors. With a few corrections the data looks very different.


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The Troublemaker
Tue 23 Apr 2013, 18:27 BST
Issue No. 2350
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