Economy strong? Tory cuts. Economy weak? Tory cuts
Bungling Baron George Osborne warned against complacency over the economy last week.
Osborne’s definition of “success” is an expensive nightmare with rising prices, low wages and huge profits. And “difficult decisions” are his decisions but will be difficult for us.
Osborne blamed a “toxic cocktail” of global problems which had left the economy under threat.
He highlighted China’s slowdown, the crisis between Iran and Saudi Arabia and falling commodity prices. And he warned there must be no “creeping complacency” about the prospects for recovery.
His claims of recovery were proof the cuts worked. His claim the economy is in danger are proof we need more cuts.
Osborne’s Office for Budget Responsibility said his spending plans are based on cash “found down the back of the sofa”, which could disappear in the coming years. “What the sofa gives, the sofa can easily take away,” it warned.
Which if nothing else suggests Osborne has a bigger sofa than us.
This is nothing new for the Tories. In November 2014 David Cameron talked of “red warning lights ... flashing on the dashboard of the global economy” and was quickly backed up by Osborne.
They were preparing the ground for more austerity. In January 2016 Osborne is doing the same—the world economy is shaky and the Tories want us to foot the bill again.
Ukip’s delusional Nigel Farage has said he was wrong to claim that a wheel coming off his car was an attempt on his life. Police and a mechanic then said they had never suspected foul play.
Farage said he made a "terrible mistake", adding, "My view is whether it was deliberately tampered with or not, what happened, happened."
THE Nazi BNP has been removed from the register of political parties, after failing to pay a £25 fee. The Electoral Commission said they will not be allowed to use the party’s name or logo to stand in elections. Unfortunately if the master race can get a friend to fill in the form properly they may get reinstated.
Scots foot Amazon bill
Amazon received almost £1 million in Scottish government grants last year.
The public cash included £665,000 for the development of “a new fulfilment centre to satisfy demands” in Dunfermline.
And £224,788 for “training and management development” at the same location.
Last year the company’s takings rose to £5.3 billion, but it paid just £11.9 million in tax.
Dunfermline is Amazon’s largest centre in Britain and staff are currently being bused in from Glasgow and Dundee —but they are charged £10.
£175 a month isn’t a living wage m’lord
Are you able to tie a flawless Windsor knot, run a bath to your master’s preferred temperature and mix the perfect gin and tonic?
You could qualify for work as butler to the British High Commission in Colombo.
James Dauris, Britain’s high commissioner to Sri Lanka, is seeking to augment the staff at his residence with that linchpin of the British aristocratic household: a butler.
For a modest £175 a month, the successful candidate will work six days a week.
“This role will involve working regularly with high-level visitors,” the advertisement states. Underlining that some elements of international diplomacy never change, the high commission also seeks a candidate with, “hands-on knowledge of spirits and all beverages”.
The successful applicant for the post in Colombo will have to be “an enthusiastic self-starter with initiative and energy” and have a talent for multi-tasking.
Thatcher flogging some whiteboards
An auction of Baroness Thatcher’s private items raised a whopping £4.5 million last month. A role has been found which fits the dignity of her Lords robes—flogging office equipment!
Her ermine gown— which sold at Christie’s for £84,000— will now be used as a promotional prop by British firm Magic Whiteboard Ltd.
Maggie fan and Magic Whiteboard owner Neil Westwood tells his local paper, “We’re actually going to Japan in July, to a trade exhibition in Tokyo and we’ll be the only British people there, so we want to use the robes to attract people to our stall.”
lIt’s irritating when you lose your keys. And expensive.
Prisons minister Andrew Selous revealed that it did happen at the young offenders’ lock-up in Portland, Dorset. The locksmith’s bill was £117,212.
Hillsborough families slam watchdog
Families of those killed in the Hillsborough disaster have called for the immediate removal of one of The Sun newpaper’s most senior journalists from the board of the new press regulator.
Last month, the Independent Press Standards Organisation (Ipso) announced that Trevor Kavanagh, who was the paper’s political editor and associate editor and is still a columnist, would be joining its board. He played a key role in the tabloid’s infamous accusations that Liverpool fans had urinated on rescuers and pickpocketed dead victims during the 1989 disaster.
100 library closures in 2015
441 closed since 2010—one in four of the total
6,000 library workers jobs lost