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Decadent posho parties will be all the rage this summer

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Issue 2408

The full-blown fiesta has returned for the summer, and it is more decadent than ever.

“The confidence to throw an amazing party has recently come back to London,” says Paul Jackson, of events firm Alison Price. “Budgets have grown, as have expectations.”

So near Hampstead Heath last month vast, clear-roofed marquees were decorated with thousands of tiny mirrors and filled with 24,000 flowers. The wine and champagne bill alone exceeded £100,000. 

Violinists played, a street-food market stand handed out dim sum, Pol Roger flowed. The birthday cake was a tower of thousands of profiteroles—served with liquid nitrogen ice cream.

The capital’s discerning UHNWIs (ultra-high net worth individuals) are operating on another level. Having bought all the property, they need to keep themselves entertained.

For one recent wedding the happy couple decided they simply had to have the party in a Game of Thrones-style forest.

 Another consummate host asked for chairs to be reupholstered four times in order to make sure he had the correct fabric.

Events organiser Kasimira arranged for a lion’s head ice sculpture with caviar coming out of its mouth for a children’s birthday party.

UHNWIs need sustenance. One source assured Troublemaker, “Street food is really in at the moment, with lots of teeny-weeny lobster burgers in brioches.” 

Magna Carter didn’t die for this

David Cameron wants everyone to learn about Magna Carter. So Troublemaker offers a lesson plan. 

Of the 63 clauses only three are still law. Two of these cover the rights of the Church of England and the City of London—that’s the bit the Tories like.

It does include the idea that people should not be deprived of their liberties.

It isn’t a British document. It’s technically Angevin—so really sort of French—and it was written in Latin.

It has nothing to do with democracy.

As the old music hall poem by Marriott Edgar sung by Stanley Holloway had it:

And it’s through that there Magna Charter/ 

As were signed by the Barons of old/ 

That in England today we can do what we like/ 

So long as we do what we’re told.

Only £50,000 for a royal weekend away

You can stay at a castle that was the queen mother’s beloved hideaway at a cost of £50,000 for a weekend.

Carefully selected visitors are paying to stay at the Castle of Mey in the north of Scotland. Prince Charles is still a regular visitor. A full programme of events provided by the queen’s own party planner includes stalking and salmon fishing.

The dining room walls are adorned with landscapes painted by Prince Philip.

Curios which are still on display include a small Loch Ness monster cuddly toy in a tartan dress, while on the mantelpiece stands a porcelain figure of a drunken Scotswoman clinging to a lamppost.

Minted monarchs

Hurrah, prince George of Cambridge’s first birthday is to be marked with a commemorative £5 coin.

They cost £80 each. Which is how the royals are wealthier than you.

Tories get that sinking feeling

Four Tory MPs in the annual Commons v Lords rowing race were already beaten when “a strong current took us too close to Westminster Bridge,” lamented skipper Dan Byles. “The wash from a cruiser swamped us.”

Former organiser of Nazi themed parties Aidan Burley MP added, “The f***ing boat sank. It was tragic.”

Not too disgraced for parliament

Disgraced Tory aide Fiona Cunningham could return as an MP.

Cunningham had to resign as home secretary Theresa May’s adviser this month after leaking a letter in a Cabinet row with education secretary Michael Gove. 

She is on the list of potential Tory parliamentary candidates.

Tories start to raise cash for election fight

David Cameron has ordered Tory fundraisers to build a £30 million election war chest.

Tory chiefs have been told they need to raise £100,000 a day between now and the election.

Election spending for each party is capped at about £20 million in the year running up to the general election. In the last campaign the Tories spent £16.7 million.

The Conservatives raised £6.6 million in the first quarter of this year, compared to £4.4 million for Labour, £1 million for the Liberal Democrats and just under £500,000 for Ukip.

The things they say

‘The Sun wants to thank Ed Miliband for having his picture taken and cheering on England’

The Sun newspaper

‘But he understands the anger that is felt towards The Sun over Hillsborough by many people and he is sorry to those who feel offended’

A spin doctor apologises on Miliband’s behalf—sort of

‘Surely needs professional psychiatric help’

Boris Johnson on Tony Blair. Johnson voted for the Iraq war when he was an MP in 2003

‘He’s in a really bad place’

A friend of Nick Clegg on the Lib Dem leader

‘A classic third-rate suck-up-kick-down sycophant presiding over a shambolic court’

Former Michael Gove spin doctor Dominic Cummings on David Cameron’s current spin doctor Ed Llewellyn

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