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Home Office enforcers are the worst uninvited guests

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Issue 2379

A couple who met working at a department store in London had pulled out all the stops for their wedding last week.

They had everything from specially tailored clothes to restaurant and hotel bookings.

But Miao Guo and Massimo Ciabattini’s happy day was disrupted by immigration cops in body armour.

They stormed into the room and dragged them apart for questioning in separate rooms.

The bridesmaids all faced a grilling too, after Camden Council “red flagged” the couple for their difficulty spelling each other’s names.

After 30 minutes the heavy-handed enforcers admitted their mistake and let the wedding continue.

It’s hardly the first time that a clampdown on “sham marriages” has turned into the nasty bureaucratic harassment of “genuine” couples.

But this time the Home Office compounded its mistake by inviting reporters from local paper the Camden New Journal along to show off how well they were doing.

“It is either the best sham wedding I have ever seen or it is real,” admitted an embarrassed spokesperson.

Migration is GREAT when you’re rich

The government is keen to be “tough” on migrant workers—but not so tough on the handpicked “global business leaders” it considers the “brightest and best”.

They get to use the luxury VIP invitation-only GREAT Club, “a tailored service for top business executives”.

It aims to make entry to Britain “swift and smooth” for 100 top bosses. They’ll even each get their own personal account manager

Meanwhile migrant workers and their families are  being lumped with a new raft of fees and restrictions under home secretary Theresa May’s toxic Immigration Bill, currently going through parliament.

They could even be prevented from getting NHS care without a hefty fee if they fall sick.

A little help from his friends

Why has Wandsworth’s Tory council in south London chosen Floreat, a company with no experience of running schools, for a new academy? Who knows.

Incidentally, Floreat’s director is James O’Shaughnessy—David Cameron’s old policy director and Tory manifesto author.

He had a little help from his friends, Michael Gove’s former advisor Ian Moore and Theresa May’s pal Martyn Rose.

What do Lib Dems stand for?

James Corden is set to star in a biopic of talent show winner and Lib Dem councillor Paul Potts.

But Hollywood is editing out Potts’ political career, for fears that audiences in the US won’t know what the Lib Dems stand for.

That’s understandable. After three years of broken promises, neither do most Lib Dem voters.

New army chief has big ‘cunning’ plans

New army chief General Sir Nicholas Houghton can’t wait to put troops into a host of new countries—including on the streets of Britain breaking strikes.

“It is not a matter of coming back from Afghanistan and waiting for the next conflict,” he said last week. 

“Whenever there is a hint of a fuel strike, a fire strike… we are the go to organisation”.

Houghton—who incidentally is a Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath—also wants a “more cunning” role for the army abroad.

That, apparently, means more operations in west Africa, east Africa, southern Africa, the Gulf States, the Far East and “wherever the UK has a sovereign interest.”

Houghton criticises opponents of defence cuts as “Victorian”. 

But he seems to be stuck in a fantasy of 19th century world domination himself.

‘We’re so corrupt’ says jolly Tory MP

“We are totally corrupt,” chuckled Tory MP Brian Binley, on a hospitality evening of a five-day two man “delegation” to Malta.

His trip was paid for by the taxpayer, and the entertainment laid on by the Bank of Valetta.

He told the bank that when he got back he’d “say what a wonderful organisation it is”—and, of course, “repay” the visit later on.

“You know what politicians are like,” Binley added. “They’ll scrounge you all the time.”

Last year Binley was one of six MPs who lobbied against restrictions on tobacco packaging while accepting lunch and Chelsea Flower Show tickets worth £1,132.80 from giant tobacco firms.

His companion on the Maltese jolly was Tory MP Mark Pritchard, who faces allegations he asked firms for £3,000 a month plus commission to set them up with his contacts.


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