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In death Thatcher still brings cheer to the Tory conference

This article is over 8 years, 7 months old
Issue 2373

Margaret Thatcher is as helpful to business in death as she was in life.

Tories are paying tribute to the Iron Lady by selling off an extraordinary array of tat, including mugs, baby grows and tea towels.

An Iron Baby baby grow costs £15, a bib £8 and T-shirts costing £12 featuring the words: “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of people’s money.”

There is also a £7 tea towel with the slogan: “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”

However a £25 ironing board cover paying homage to the Iron Lady was mysteriously withdrawn from sale.

Margaret Thatcher’s handbag has, like its owner, improved in popularity since April. 

Luxury bag firm Launer—the brand also favoured by the queen—saw a 53 percent rise in sales of the black, structured handbag that Thatcher loved.

And now, the luxury accessories label has created a canvas bag range in her honour.

The Maggie range sold exclusively at the Conservative Party Conference.

The handbag featured on the canvas bag, the Adagio, was one of Baroness Thatcher’s favourite top-handle handbags. 

Made with immaculate craftsmanship, the actual handbag is still available on the luxury brand’s website from a trifling £1,100. 

Champagne swilling

THE Tories have hired G4S to guard what really matters most to them at the conference—the champagne.

Cases of the £45-a-bottle Ruinart Blanc de Blancs were escorted through by workers for the firm.

How to spot a worker

DOWNING Street spin boss Craig Oliver made a slideshow presentation to government advisers with dos and don’ts for the Tory party conference.

Don’ts included drinking champagne. Dos included slotting the slogan “for hard-working people” into every speech, at which point a worker walked by and Old Etonian chief of staff Ed Llewellyn quipped “there’s one”.

Fat cat’s car boot sale

Lehman Brothers’ former president, Joe Gregory, is flogging some excess tat. The 

112 lots range from £300 for a pair of French cut-glass decanters to £300,000 for an “important” Queen Anne commode.

In the small print is a note that Sotheby’s may require proof of financial solvency as “security”.

Blair force one takes off for a price

Back When Tony Blair was Prime Minister, plans for a presidential-style Blair Force One jet were rejected as too expensive.

But now he has finally pulled it off.

Blair has been seen stepping out of a £7,000-an-hour bespoke aircraft complete with stateroom, lounge, kitchen and bed. Blair regularly chartered the top-of-the-range Bombardier Global Express private jet as he travels the world.

The 19-seater plane has a distinctive black-and-gold livery and luxurious interior, including leather seats and walnut panelling.

The Bombardier website says, “It is the most luxurious, most accomplished business aircraft ever built, accommodating the desires of the most sophisticated and demanding traveller with no compromises.”

Superyachts are simply so last year

A soak in the Jacuzzi, a quick game in the squash court and skeet off the aft deck—cruising on their giant yachts is getting to be a giant bore for the super-rich. 

New toys are needed. So we’re off to Troublemaker’s favourite show—the Monaco Yacht Show—to see the latest must have accessory—submarines. 

Bert Houtman of U-Boat Worx said of his clientele, “They’re fed up with drinking white wine and riding jet skis, so they’re looking for another thrill.”  

The newest models can dive as deep as 5,000 feet, include air conditioning and sound systems, and run at up to £3.5 million. 

That’s not including the “shadow” vessel that may be needed to tow the sub if your yacht can’t handle the load. 

After all you wouldn’t want anyone not to be able to get back up to the surface.

£11,340 to not answer questions 

They were called in to train Tory MP Matthew Hancock and Lib Dem MP Jo Swinson in “broadcasting skills”.The Department for Business has been forking out for image consultants to junior ministers.

The department has spent £11,340 on such training since 2010.

The lessons include “how to lead the interview” and “closing off issues”—or in other words, how to not answer questions.

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