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Mitchell lied, a cop lacks wit and Bob Geldof gets it wrong

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Issue 2432
In the doghouse? Andrew Mitchell with Scarlet, who he says should be Westminster dog of the year
In the doghouse? Andrew Mitchell with Scarlet, who he says should be “Westminster dog of the year”

Hurrah, defiant Plebgate row MP Andrew Mitchell is to stand for re-election.

That’s despite losing a libel case last week when a judge ruled he did call a cop a pleb.

Troublemaker didn’t really have a side in the Sun versus Mitchell versus the cops libel entertainment.

Reports said many Tory MPs are already pushing for him to be elected to chair a Commons select committee next year.

A row erupted in September 2012 when Mitchell was stopped cycling through the gates of Downing Street by PC Toby Rowland. Rowland said the politician had sworn at him and called him and his colleagues “fucking plebs”.

Mitchell sued News Group Newspapers for the Sun’s coverage of the incident.

All round good egg Bob Geldoff told the trial, “I have not a single shred of doubt that what Andrew Mitchell says is the truth.”

Unfortunately for Mitchell, Justice Mitting said Mitchell’s behaviour had been “childish” and his version of events was inconsistent with CCTV footage.

The judge helpfully pointed out that the police didn’t have the “wit” to make up the fucking pleb quote. Though some officers did make up a crowd of witnesses to the event.

Mitchell, who may face legal costs in the millions, has been ordered to pay interim costs of £300,000. 

But don’t worry—the former investment banker made £150,716 for 28 days’ work as a finance adviser in the past year.

Our TOFF OF THE WEEK is Hon. Edward Charles d’Olier Gibson. Appealed his conviction for assaulting a cop and thought police would look “something closer to Dixon of Dock Green”. The heir to the baronetcy of Ashbourne heard a judge reject his “unbelievable” assertion that he had grappled with a cop for 11 minutes without realising he was a police officer.

Dave loves stalking and shooting things

Armed police sealed off a wood so David Cameron could go pigeon shooting in secret.

He told the story to a pal after moaning he “couldn’t go deer stalking any more” now he is in Downing Street.

Journalist Alan Cochrane said Cameron told him of the 2012 shoot in Oxfordshire “as we ate venison”.

Cochrane wrote, “I suppose he doesn’t want to go back to the grouse-moor-image days of ex-Tory PM Harold McMillan, or be seen with a rifle.”

He added, “DC says he fancied a bit of shooting, so took his 12-bore to a wood near his home and bagged a couple of pigeons.

“The wood had to be surrounded by coppers with guns. He misses shooting things.”

Cameron previously admitted to a love of hunting and promised a free vote on repealing Labour’s hunting ban when he became prime minister.

There is a Tory donation drive off the back of the Mansion Tax, accompanied by a letter from Boris Johnson—who himself owns a plush Islington town house. The minimum suggested donation is a reasonable £250-£5,000.

The message from Boris to “help me fight this brutally unfair tax” asks you to join a donor club at £50,000 per year.

The National Audit Office has reported that 976 academy trusts—43 percent of those examined in 2013—disclosed “related party transactions” worth an estimated £71 million. 

That means they are paying companies linked personally to the academy governors and their relatives mostly.

Pornographer and Ukip racist love-in 

Richard Desmond will meet Nigel Farage this week amid claims that the proprietor of Express newspapers and other pornographic publications is poised to throw his support behind Ukip.

There have long been close links between the party and the Express titles. Patrick O’Flynn, the longtime chief political commentator of the Daily Express, joined Ukip as a spin doctor and was later elected as an MEP. 

Ukip and the Express both highlighted a report by the odious MigrationWatch, which bemoaned that the children of migrants aren’t counted as immigrants.

It’s a match made in heaven. 

Ukip activists complained that a BBC survey about Nigel Farage had taken place outside a mosque—which in fact was Westminster Cathedral.

Fraud office clears itself of fraud

Troublemaker is happy to announce the Serious Fraud Office (SFO) has finished an inquiry—into itself.

It uses a document management tool designed by Autonomy. The company is the subject of an ongoing SFO investigation.

Also ongoing are its monthly payments for Autonomy software support. Between July and September, the SFO paid them more than £84,000.

Happily an SFO spokesman said, “No conflict of interest has been found.”

The case of the smashed syllabub 

Colourful aristocrat Lord Brocket has filed a claim to Hertfordshire police against the German entrepreneur Dieter Klostermann. He has leased Brocket’s pile since the lord served two-and-a-half years for fraud in 1996.

The claim is that the tenants have caused “severe damage” to the Syllabub House—a garden temple—by breaking up its marble-topped tables and destroying a marble urn.

But Brocket Hall International (BHI) say, “The Syllabub House is in the best condition for years”. Troublemaker expects this to run and run. 

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